Enjoying Solitude: Who Does It and What Do They Do?

People are happier and less stressed when they are interacting with others than when alone. But even for the most outgoing of us in these years of hyperconnectivity, it is hardly realistic for anyone to be socializing during all their waking hours. Solitude, or being alone, is an inevitable part of life.

Time alone may feel lonely, or it may be a welcome reprieve, or anything in between. The question is, what kinds of solo activities are most enjoyable, and what types of people are best at spending time with themselves?

In our recent article, we combined findings from three "experience sampling studies" that included 283 adults of different ages and a total of 8,769 surveys. In these studies, participants used a smartphone app that was programmed to send them six to seven notifications at random times throughout the day. At each prompt, they would complete a survey recording their thoughts and feelings, and their current social situation. This method allowed us to capture people's experiences at times when they happened to be alone and when they were with others.

Thus, we could tell the difference between moments of solitude that are unpleasant or harmful, and moments of solitude that are pleasant or relatively harmless. This distinction seems to depend on whether the solo activities people are doing are things they "want to do" (chosen solitary activities) or things they "have to do" or do because they "have nothing else to do." We grouped the latter two together, calling them unchosen solitary activities. Chosen solitary activities (compared to those that are unchosen) are linked with better-quality experiences—feeling better in the moment. And, frequently doing solitary activities that are unchosen is linked with less overall well-being.

What Chosen Solo Activities Bring Positive Solitary Experiences?

In another experience sampling study, we aimed to provide some insights into this question. In this study, we recruited people aged 60 or above who spent at least 5 hours per week on volunteer work, which was a considerably higher amount than their same-age peers and most American adults devote. We first found that doing volunteer work was generally associated with more positive affect than doing something else, but we also observed that when people did their prosocial-program work in solitude, they had more positive affect and felt more connected to others than when doing anything else in solitude. These associations were stronger in solitude than when doing prosocial-program work in the context of social interaction. Doing prosocial work in solitude may seem paradoxical at first. Some examples include baking cookies for the church or doing paperwork on behalf of someone in need. These activities could be tedious for some, but for volunteers in our study, they can be personally meaningful and reflect what they "want to do."

One important feature of solitude is the freedom from immediate social obligations and attention from others. Psychologists have concluded that solitary moments when a person wants to be alone are generally less lonely than solitary moments that are forced on a person. The sense of choice appears to be a robust contributor to positive solitary experiences.

Personality Traits Also Matter

Perhaps unsurprisingly, introverts were more frequently engaged in chosen solitary activities than extroverts, suggesting that they spend more time on what they want to do alone. In some of our other research, those who were interested in their own experiences and not prone to social pressure also reported solitude as valuable and enjoyable.

And Demographics

In one study, we found that older adults cope with aloneness quite well compared to their younger counterparts, which contradicts the "lonely-old-age" stereotype. In another, we found that older Chinese immigrants in Canada who were more acculturated or ingrained in Canadian culture enjoyed solitude more (and reported less loneliness) than those who were not. The explanations behind age and cultural differences in solitary experiences are still unclear, but recent work has highlighted that a greater proportion of chosen solitary activities in these groups may contribute to their ability to enjoy solitude.

Next time when you get stood up by someone, watching TV out of boredom may not be your only option. Engage in activities that you wish to do, that are personally meaningful—or even better if they can contribute to the greater good. Solitude may be inevitable, but it can also be enjoyable especially when it is accompanied by a sense of choice.

For Further Reading

Mann, A. S., Boeder, J., Tse, D. C. K., Graham, L., & Nakamura, J. (2022). Solitary prosociality in later life: An experience sampling study. Research on Aging, 44(9–10), 724–733. https://doi.org/10.1177/01640275211062124

Tse, D. C. K., Lay, J. C., & Nakamura, J. (2022). Autonomy matters: Experiential and individual differences in chosen and unchosen solitary activities from three experience sampling studies. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 13(5), 946–956. https://doi.org/10.1177/19485506211048066

Weinstein, N., Nguyen, T. V., & Hansen, H. (2021). What time alone offers: Narratives of solitude from adolescence to older adulthood. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.714518.
 

Dwight C. K. Tse is Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Strathclyde and studies the dispositional and situational factors, such as the intense engagement (flow experience), in solitary and social activities that contribute to human flourishing across the lifespan.

Jennifer Lay is Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Exeter and studies the physiological and emotional experiences in solitary and social contexts.

Netta Weinstein is Professor of Psychology at the University of Reading and Research Associate at the University of Oxford and studies motivation and well-being in the context of both solitude and social contexts.

Thuy-vy Nguyen is Assistant Professor in Quantitative Social Psychology at Durham University (UK). She studies the function of solitude in everyday life and the ways in which norms and environments have shaped people's experiences with it.