Expect and You Shall Perceive

What if we told you that simply holding high relationship expectations of your partner will lead you to perceive your partner as meeting these high expectations—regardless of your partner's actual behavior? In other words, if Ash expects his partner to meet his relationship needs (emotional, sexual, and practical), he will perceive Jesse as meeting those needs—regardless of Jesse's actual behavior. While this appears too good to be true, the finding also extends to negative relationship behaviors, presenting a double-edged sword. Ash's lack of expectation of having his relationship needs met by Jesse will similarly cause Ash to perceive Jesse as not meeting those needs—regardless of Jesse's actual behavior.

This phenomenon is known as perceptual confirmation. Our team, led by Dr. Samantha Joel of the Relationship Decisions Lab at Western University, investigated this phenomenon to better understand how relationship expectations are associated with perceptions of relationship behaviors and quality.

What Does Prior Research Show?

A wealth of previous research has looked at expectations in relationships, but ours went further by testing competing predictions. Some research suggests that holding high expectations can yield positive outcomes, but some actually suggest the opposite. We took on these and other competing theories about expectations in relationships.

Do Relationship Expectations Shape Relationship Perceptions?

The first prediction—in line with the perceptual confirmation hypothesis—argues that if Ash expects Jesse to engage in many pro-relationship behaviors in the coming week, he will perceive that Jesse does, regardless of Jesse's actual behavior that week. The second prediction—dubbed the behavioral confirmation hypothesis—argues that Ash's perceptions that Jesse will engage in many positive relationship behaviors in the coming week will actually cause Jesse to do just that. In other words, Jesse will conform to Ash's expectations. But an alternative possibility is that relationship expectations simply reflect current relationship quality. In our research we tested these and other possibilities.

How Do We Test Different Possibilities Head-to-Head?

To test competing predictions, we first created a questionnaire on which partners could describe both positive and negative relationship behaviors, for example "in the past week, my partner has helped me solve a problem." Using this questionnaire, we then examined the mutual influence of expectations and perceptions of relationship behaviors and quality by asking people to fill it out several times—a technique that allowed us to disentangle different patterns. Thus, we could look at how expectations, perceptions, and behavior ebb and flow over time in meaningful ways.

Our Findings: Perceptual Confirmation Is Good News!

Across three studies, we appear to have found a common explanation. In sum, our research supports the perceptual confirmation hypothesis—where one's relationship expectations guide their perceptions of their partner's behavior. These findings provide good news for couples: A person who has established a reputation for doing a lot for their partner will be seen as performing many positive behaviors in the relationship (and fewer negative behaviors) regardless of how much they actually do in a given week. Thus, these consistently pro-relationship partners might not disappoint their partners even when they have an "off" week—by performing fewer positive behaviors than usual—because their partner is unlikely to notice, given they consistently have high expectations that result in rose-colored perceptions of their partner.

To wrap up, let's go back to our example. If Ash expects Jesse to engage in many pro-relationship behaviors in the coming week, he will perceive that Jesse fulfills those expectations, regardless of Jesse's actual behavior that week. However, an important caveat is that the finding also extends to negative relationship behaviors. Ash's lack of expectation of having his relationship needs met by Jesse will similarly cause Ash to perceive Jesse as not meeting those needs—regardless of Jesse's actual behavior. Or simply put, people perceive what they expect to perceive.

For Further Reading

Joel, S., Maxwell, J. A., Khera, D., Peetz, J., Baucom, B. R. W., & MacDonald, G. (2022). Expect and you shall perceive: People who expect better in turn perceive better behaviors from their romantic partners. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000411


Devinder Khera is an M.Sc. student at Western University's Department of Psychology in London, Ontario. His research interests include examining close relationships, sexual compatibility, sexual consent, and various aspects of masculinity.