“Honey, Sweetie, Dear”: More Than Mere Niceties

Your name is Alice and it's your first day at a new job. You sit down with the department manager, ready to discuss your new responsibilities. "Alright, honey," the manager begins. "Here's what you need to do today…" For a moment, you are taken aback. Why did they refer to you as "honey?" Do they call everyone "honey," or just you? And are they implying something about your intelligence and competence?

This experience, and others like it, led my colleagues and me to investigate terms of endearment, such as "honey," "sweetie," and "dear." On the surface, these terms may seem positive. Indeed, within close relationships, these terms likely communicate affection. However, when used outside of close relationships, might these terms have insidious consequences, particularly for women? And what do these terms say about the people who use them?

Women's Reactions to Terms of Endearment

Existing research suggests that women, unlike men, are sometimes expected to be warm but not competent. Such expectations are part and parcel of benevolent sexism, a type of sexism that idealizes women as pure and morally superior while simultaneously casting them as inferior to men. We reasoned that, when used outside of close relationships toward adult women, terms of endearment might communicate benevolent sexism, so that women who do not endorse benevolent sexism would react negatively when they are targeted by terms of endearment.  

We initially explored this possibility by asking men and women how they feel when terms of endearment are used towards them. Compared to adult men, adult women felt more agitated, less positive, less warm, and less competent when terms of endearment are used. They also thought that others were perceiving them as less competent. Adult women who did not endorse benevolent sexism had especially negative reactions to these terms.

You may notice here that I'm specifying the effects were among adult men and women. That's because, as expected, we didn't find any differences between younger (mostly, college first-years) men and women. Younger people, who presumably receive terms of endearment as a consequence of age, did not perceive such terms as communicating gendered expectations about warmth and competence.

The next study revealed that terms of endearment cause these negative reactions. In a mock job interview conducted by peers, college-aged women were either addressed or not addressed using terms of endearment. We found results similar to those for women in our initial study. The women whose interviewer used terms of endearment felt less positive, more agitated, and thought of themselves as less warm and less competent. However, these effects emerged only among women who rejected benevolent sexism. Women who thought benevolent sexism was okay were less bothered by terms of endearment.

This study was particularly important as the terms of endearment were used in a professional, workplace setting. Clearly, such terms have negative effects on women who do not subscribe to benevolent sexism, and these effects could impact workplace performance.

How Are People Who Use Terms of Endearment Perceived?

These first two studies indicate that terms of endearment have negative consequences for the recipients. But how are people who use terms of endearment perceived? Perhaps they are perceived as simply relying on colloquial niceties. Or as endorsing benevolently sexist views of women, but not more hostile sexist attitudes. A final possibility is that people who use these terms may be perceived as fitting a broader profile characterized by personal dominance, sexist beliefs, and support for inequality.

To find out, we asked participants to read a story about Tim, a 40-something-year-old man who used terms of endearment towards adult women. Both men and women perceived Tim as higher in a number of sexist and hierarchy-enforcing attitudes, such as social dominance orientation, which represents the belief that some people are inferior to others. People also thought Tim perceived women as less warm and less competent. Tim himself was even seen as less warm, less competent, and more dominant.

These results indicate that, contrary to lay beliefs, these endearment terms do not convey an impression of warmth, but rather sexist attitudes and hierarchy-enforcing beliefs. And this was not limited to the eye of the beholder. In a fourth study, we asked adults how frequently they use terms of endearment. They then reported how much they endorsed the same sexist attitudes and hierarchy-enforcing beliefs as the previous study. People who use terms of endearment actually endorsed these attitudes and beliefs more than people who do not use these terms. Strikingly, this effect occurred in both men and women.

What Should Be Done?

People should avoid using these terms of endearment towards adult women outside of close relationships if they (a) wish to avoid being seen as sexist and anti-egalitarian and (b) want to support women's positive experiences and feelings of competence. People can also combat terms of endearment by calling out the user. Ultimately, this research shows that, when used outside of a close relationship, these terms, though seemingly harmless, can in fact communicate, reflect, and reinforce sexism.

For Further Reading

Hildebrand, L. K., Monteith, M. J., Carter, E. R., & Burns, M. D. (2022). Honey, sweetie, dear: Terms of endearment communicate, reflect, and reinforce sexism toward adult women. Sex Roles, 87(3), 185-210. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-022-01311-3
 

Laura K. Hildebrand is a Presidential Postdoctoral Scholar at The Ohio State University. Her research examines how subtle manifestations of bias perpetuate and reinforce non-inclusive environments, and how we can reduce bias to promote equity and inclusion.