Relationships, and lives, are shaped fundamentally by our perceptions and expectations of others. In a symposium during SPSP’s 16th Annual Convention, researchers considered how personality and experience influence our evaluation of potential and current partners, which in turn has profound effects on the quality and development of one’s relationships.
 
Trust and responsiveness are two important pieces in maintaining a healthy relationship. But how do each of those actually affect relationships?
 
“Trust is incredibly important,” said Joanna Anderson. But as Anderson also points out, putting too much trust in a person can also be a bad thing in some circumstances (think: Charlie Brown and the disappearing football).
 
At the beginning of any relationship, it can be difficult to put your trust in someone you’ve just met. A trust paradigm adapted from Berg et al. (1995) presents this type of scenario:
 
Person A is given $5. Person A can choose to give it to Person B or keep it. $5 becomes $20. Person B can keep or spilt evenly with Person A. About 40% split the money. Among Person A’s, about 65% give the money to person B. About 75% of people reciprocate trust.
 
Anderson explains that some participants feel like they should do something and as a result, may feel guilty about not doing anything. This, in turn, influences the person’s level of trust and the choice they make. This only occurs, however, when a minimal relationship has been established between the two parties. Irrational trust is a social lubricant early on in a relationship, Anderson explains.
 
In studies, people high (vs. low) in attachment were less trusting of an unacquainted peer. As a result of that mistrust, avoidant individuals will also have poorer social network integration, fewer relationships, and lower quality relationships overall. The researchers observed that trust mediated the association between avoidant attachment and social network integration. Based on Anderson and colleagues’ research, it’s clear that attachment style and trust have a significant impact on relationship quality―not just close relationships, but one’s entire social network.
 
In another presentation, Cassandra Cortes reported on a study that found that self-esteem plays an important role in perceptions of partner responsiveness. Cortes and her colleagues found that those with low self-esteem perceive their partners to be less responsive to the disclosure of negative experiences. But, are they really?
 
In a subsequent study, the team found that partners of people with low self-esteem (LSEs) are indeed less responsive than partners of people with high self-esteem. The findings were observed through self-report, partner report and in response to a negative experience in the lab.
 
It’s well documented that perceiving your partner as responsive promotes intimacy, is related to greater satisfaction and commitment, and predicts positive sexual outcomes. Partners of LSEs report less positive perceptions of their partners and less satisfaction, along with an increase in conflict and ambivalence.
 
Current research suggests, “There may be some truth to LSEs perceptions of how responsive their partners are to their disclosure of negative events,” says Cortes.
 
The authors suggest a deeper look into how self-esteem impacts relationships at a finer level, and future research may open an avenue for better understanding what might elicit more versus less responsiveness.
 
When partners behave badly, directly communicating complaints can be beneficial for resolving the problem and improving the relationship. Researcher Meagan McCarthy discussed that individuals with low self-esteem who lack trust in others responsiveness may also be particularly hesitant to confront their partners about their concerns.
 
According to McCarthy’s research, individuals with high self-esteem don’t perceive expressing complaints as being particularly high-risk, but those with low self-esteem see it as risky and possibly detrimental to their relationships. Participants with low self-esteem were less likely to address concerns directly, instead remaining silent or becoming passive-aggressive, than those with high self-esteem.
 
A second study found that even though LSEs understand the benefits of expressing concerns, their own insecurities and perceptions of risk hold them back from doing so. Their research suggests that LSE’s indirectness may stem from a sense of powerlessness; LSEs believed that either speaking up or holding back would be risky and ineffective. LSEs may fail to address relationship problems because they believe they cannot produce chance in their partners or relationships.