Do You Want to be in a Relationship Right Now?

Around the world, a growing number of people seem to have an aversion towards intimacy. Marriage rates have been steadily declining, and relational arrangements characterized by an absence of commitment, such as “hooking up” and “friends with benefits,” have become more common. Are people becoming less receptive towards being in committed relationships? We examined this question by studying what we call commitment desirability—the extent to which people want to be in a close, committed relationship at any given point in time.

Not surprisingly, people differ in how much they want committed relationships; some people currently want to be in committed relationships much more than other people do.  For example, our data show that people who are single and not currently in a romantic relationship have less desire for commitment compared to coupled individuals, partly due to their current single status.  But even single people who were lower in commitment desirability scored around the midpoint of our measure, suggesting that almost all of us have at least some desire for a committed relationship.

Given that people differ in how much they want to be in a relationship, we investigated how these differences in commitment desirability play out as people think about and seek commitment. We conducted three studies that included both individuals who were in relationships and those who were single.

In the first study, which involved coupled individuals, we found that people who more greatly desired to be in a committed relationship believed that their future relationships would be more stable, especially when they perceived that their current partners were highly committed to their relationship  The second study found that people who desired committed relationships relied on their partners more and were less inclined to break up with their partners, especially when they perceived that their partners were highly committed to their relationship.

So, people who desire committed relationships see their relationships lasting longer, rely more on their partners, and are more committed to them.  However, in both studies, people’s devotion to their relationships was much stronger when they thought their partner was committed to them. This finding suggests that people who want relationships aren’t just blindly committing more to their partners; they are also protecting themselves from getting too close to partners who are not also interested in commitment.

We were also interested in how single people who are high in commitment desirability differ from those who are lower.  We found that single individuals who desired commitment were more interested in potential partners who also displayed high commitment desirability. They also believed that these relationships would be more successful in the long term.

But what about people who are low in commitment desirability? Were individuals who were low in commitment desirability drawn to partners who also reported a low desire for commitment? Our results suggest this might not be the case. People low in commitment desirability were simply less discriminating about their choice of partners—they didn’t care as much whether their partner desired commitment or not.

Overall, our research suggests that, if you want to be in a committed relationship, it pays to be strategic and to pay attention to how much your prospective partner wants to be in a relationship and how committed they are to you. After all, we do not want to get hurt by choosing or staying together with someone who does not want to be in a committed relationship about as much as we do. Our findings also suggest that, if you find a partner who is strongly motivated to be in a committed relationship, that person will be happier if you provide assurances that you are there for them and that your relationship will be successful and stable over time.


For Further Reading

Tan, K., Agnew, C. R., & Hadden, B. W. (2020). Seeking and ensuring interdependence: Commitment desirability and the initiation and maintenance of close relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 46, 36-50.

Agnew, C. R., Hadden, B. W., & Tan, K. (2019). It’s about time: Readiness, commitment and stability in close relationships. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 10, 1046-1055.

Hadden, B. W., Agnew, C. R., & Tan, K. (2018). Commitment readiness and relationship formation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44, 1242-1257.

 

Kenneth Tan, Ph.D., is an Assistant Professor of Psychology in the School of Social Sciences at Singapore Management University. His research interests revolve around close relationships, specifically commitment, partner perceptions, and relationship dissolution as well as their effects on individual and relational well-being.

Christopher R. Agnew, Ph.D., is Professor of Psychological Sciences and Associate Vice President for Research at Purdue University. A social psychologist, his research focuses on close, interpersonal relationships and the use of relational models to understand social and health processes.

 

Tick Tock: Commitment Readiness Predicts Relationship Success, Say Scientists

Washington, DC - Timing is everything, goes a popular phrase, and this is also true for relationships. As Valentine’s Day approaches, social psychologists from Purdue University offer new research showing that a person’s commitment readiness is a good predictor of relationship success. The results are published in Social Psychological and Personality Science.

“Feeling ready leads to better relational outcomes and well-being,” says Chris Agnew, Professor of Psychological Sciences and Vice President for Research at Purdue University, “When a person feels more ready, this tends to amplify the effect of psychological commitment on relationship maintenance and stability.” 

The reverse is also true, based on the results from the study; when a person feels less ready for commitment while in a relationship, they are less likely to act in ways to support that relationship.

Assessing readiness for commitment

Agnew and colleagues Benjamin Hadden and Ken Tan report the results from four studies and five independent samples, focusing on reported readiness and commitment to an ongoing relationship, how much people were willing to be involved in the day to day behaviors that help maintain a relationship, and the ultimate stability of those relationships. 

Initially, they surveyed over 400 adults in committed relationships, assessing their sense that the current time was right for the relationship (i.e., their commitment readiness), their satisfaction with the relationship, and their investments in it. They found a robust correlation between current sense of readiness and one’s commitment level.

To follow up this initial study, Agnew and colleagues ran studies with university students, first in an initial assessment with over 200 students, and then as follow-ups with some participants five and seven months later to see who was still together. 

Based on their results, being “commitment ready” was a key predictor of both success and failure. Greater readiness predicted lower likelihood of leaving a relationship. Those feeling greater readiness to commit were 25% less likely to breakup over time.

People who reported being highly committed to their current partner but didn’t feel that the current time was best for them to be in a relationship were also more likely to end a relationship than their peers who expressed greater readiness. And those who were commitment ready were more likely to do the day to day work needed to maintain the relationship.

When do people feel ready to commit?

Feeling ready to commit to a relationship at a given time depends on the individual, says Agnew, “People’s life history, relationship history, and personal preferences all play a role. One’s culture also transmits messages that may signal that one is more or less ready to commit.”

 


Study Agnew, Christopher R.; Hadden, Benjamin W.; Tan, Kenneth (2019). It’s About Time: Readiness, Commitment and Stability in Close Relationships Social Psychological and Personality Science, publishing online before print in February 20, 2019.

Social Psychological and Personality Science (SPPS) is an official journal of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology (SPSP), the Association for Research in Personality (ARP), the European Association of Social Psychology (EASP), and the Society for Experimental Social Psychology (SESP). Social Psychological and Personality Science publishes innovative and rigorous short reports of empirical research on the latest advances in personality and social psychology.

Single? Agnew and colleagues published research on singles and commitment this past spring.  You can find more here: Hadden, B. W., Agnew, C. R.., & Tan, K. (2018). Commitment readiness and relationship formation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44, 1242-1257.

Password Sharing: A New Yardstick for Gauging Infidelity

Romantic partners who have something to hide may feel profound discomfort when asked this question. Sharing passwords can expose private or confidential communications, with grave consequences for some relationships.

Social media use has transformed personal relationships. What qualifies as a social interaction has also changed dramatically. Without putting any effort into organizing a legible message, people can now interact with a mere swipe, like, repost, or emoji. A digital record of these social media interactions may remain online indefinitely.

Some of those digital interactions could be perceived as disloyal to romantic partners.  Online flirtations can quickly transcend ethical limits and evolve into more intimate meetings. To gain sympathy and intimacy online, users may complain about their partner or relationship. When these betrayals occur in password-protected social media accounts, users may feel confident that they pose no threat to the relationship.  However, when a partner expects shared intimacy to include password sharing, it may be a harbinger of relationship conflicts.

My colleagues and I wondered how people's current relationships affected their attitudes toward sharing passwords with live-in partners. We surveyed 277 married or committed adults.  On average, our participants had been with their partner for 10 years and were 35 years old. We looked at several aspects of relationships that we thought might predict attitudes toward password sharing, including how satisfied people were with their current relationship, how committed they were to their partner, how appealing they found online romantic alternatives, and how engaged they were in online infidelity behaviors.

To measure infidelity, we asked participants how much they agreed with statements like, "Sometimes, instead of going to my spouse/partner, I share deep emotional or intimate information with others online," and "I sometimes like to chat or message old romantic partners online or on social networking sites."  Because these behaviors can represent relationship betrayals, we expected that people who agree with these items would be hesitant to share their social media passwords.

Overall, participants were satisfied with their relationships, and this was true of both men and women. Less than half of the participants in our study favored password sharing. Only 25% of them did not engage in any online infidelity. Interestingly, about 25% of the participants reported engaging in high levels of online infidelity behaviors. However, men reported more infidelity behaviors and a better quality of romantic alternatives than women in our study.

In our data, password-sharing attitudes were unrelated to relationship satisfaction, commitment, and quality of romantic alternatives. However, online infidelity was related to unfavorable attitudes toward password sharing. That is, partners who reported more infidelity behaviors were less favorable toward password sharing.

Thus, our expectation that people who "misbehave" online by having emotionally intimate interactions with others have negative attitudes toward password sharing was confirmed.  Because sharing passwords could uncover online infidelity, if it exists, it is unsurprising that people who engage in inappropriate behaviors dislike the idea of password sharing.

In sum, our research suggests that people's attitudes toward password sharing may serve as an indicator of their online fidelity (or infidelity). If you want a clue as to whether your partner is faithful online, you might suggest exchanging social media passwords. If your partner refuses to share passwords, you may have something to worry about.


For Further Reading

Abbasi, I. S., Buchanan, T., &Dibble, J. L. (2022). Attitudes Towards Passwords Sharing in Cohabiting Partners. The Social Science Journal. (Advance online publication). https://doi.org/10.1080/03623319.2022.2152406


Irum S. Abbasi is an independent post-doctoral researcher currently examining social media behaviors and attitudes toward password sharing in romantic relationships.

Generosity and Commitment to Causes Improve When Giving is Personal

Giving something personal increases people’s self-perception of generosity and commitment to charitable causes.

Whether the call to action is to support an important cause, save a life, or offer monetary support, new research shows it’s the personal connection of giving that makes the giver feel more generous. This giving of oneself, from a signature to blood, increases feelings of generosity and in turn, increases the likelihood of continued support of a cause, according to research published in Social Psychological and Personality Science.

In a series of five studies, psychologists Minjung Koo (SKK Graduate School of Business) and Ayelet Fishbach (University of Chicago Booth School of Business) examined the impact of various types of giving on the giver, including donating an endowment, anonymous vs personalized notes to people with disabilities, donating blood vs money, and signing a petition for future giving.

“Giving something that represents the self, such as giving one’s own blood, signature, or possessions, will lead the giver to perceive herself as more generous and committed person, compared to giving that is less associated with the self, like monetary giving,” says lead author Koo. “This change in self-perception has an important implication: the giver is more likely to give again in the future.”

The Power of Possession

In their first study, the researchers explored how giving an item that a person owned for a while versus only for a brief time influences givers. Half the participants, 50 South Korean students, were told at the start of the study they could keep the pen, the other half only told they could keep it at the end of session. All participants were then asked to donate the pen. Those who possessed the pen the longest before donating it to a cause reported feeling more generous and committed, as well as seeing the pen as more valuable, than the short-term owners.

Donating Blood vs Money

The researchers conducted two studies comparing donating blood and money; In both scenarios, participants imagined giving blood or not. The studies utilized 80 US workers who previously donated blood.  Those who imagined donating blood reported higher generosity than those who imagined donating an equal value of money. The former group also reported stronger feelings of commitment.  They followed this study with a similar one, this time allowing the participants to choose the option – donating blood or money - they felt was “easiest.” Similar results were seen in this study.

The Power of the Name

In two other studies, the use of a person’s signature on form letters and charity donations also showed participants reporting themselves as more generous and committed than those who provided an anonymous note or donation. Those who provided their names also promised to donate again in the future.

“Across these studies, we find self-giving does not need to be public, effortful, or tangible; the only requirement is that giving is associated with the self,” says Koo.


Minjung Koo and Ayelet Fishbach, "Giving the Self: Increasing Commitment and Generosity Through Giving Something That Represents One’s Essence". Social Psychological and Personality Science 1948550616628607, first published online February 2, 2016 as doi:10.1177/1948550616628607

Social Psychological and Personality Science (SPPS) is an official journal of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology (SPSP), the Association for Research in Personality (ARP), the European Association of Social Psychology (EASP), and the Society for Experimental Social Psychology (SESP). Social Psychological and Personality Science publishes innovative and rigorous short reports of empirical research on the latest advances in personality and social psychology.