Dear Sigmunda: Annoyed in Academia

Dear Sigmunda:

Another graduate student in my cohort is driving me insane! She constantly talks in every lab group meeting and every seminar. She apparently loves the sound of her own voice. Anytime other people start to speak, she immediately disagrees and starts talking before they have even finished their statements. I feel like her talking and her stepping on other people is preventing me from learning. Other than throwing a pencil at her, how can I survive the next year without my head exploding?

          --Annoyed in Academia

	Dear "Annoyed in Academia": First, I would ask myself whether I would be as annoyed by a male student portraying such behavior. Seriously. The behavior you describe seems really typical of male students, but "problematic" when a female student acts so agentically. (Of course, there are female students who talk so much they drive everyone else nuts, and she very well may be at this level.) Second, if you're this annoyed, others in your program likely are as well, which actually makes it fairly easy to deal with. As a group, you can take small steps to make "floor time" more balanced. Resolve to initiate more discussions. Finally, if she interrupts, politely say, "I'm sorry, I wasn't quite done making my point," and hold your ground. It's amazing how sheepish people will become when alerted to their behavior once or twice in a lab meeting -- and how much others will come to model that behavior. Good luck!

	Dear "Annoyed in Academia": I had a similar problem with a student taking a class with me. One way to handle this, if you have a socially aware instructor, is to make your instructor aware of the problem and have him/her issue a general statement such as, "I want everyone to have a chance to share their opinions in this class, so if you find that you're contributing a good amount, please try to limit your comments and let other people speak." If this general exhortation fails to capture the attention of the offending student, perhaps the instructor will be willing to address the same advice directly to the student, privately. If that doesn't work, I would recommend the obvious, and least comfortable, solution of approaching the student yourself (you might want to consult your other colleagues first to make sure they share your frustration and that you're not judging too harshly). In confronting the student, you might try the diplomatic approach; something like, "It's great that you're able to get so involved in discussions, but I feel that you're not leaving much room for others to share their opinions, and I'd really like to be able to hear what everyone has to say about what we're discussing. Do you think you could hold back a bit on your comments so we can hear everyone's contributions?"

	Dear "Annoyed in Academia": I can't offer any great advice other than try to laugh it off, roll your eyes, and say to the person next to you, "Here she goes again." Humor often lessons the aggravation. What I can offer is commiseration. I am willing to bet that in any psychology doctoral program, there is at least one person like that. I can think of three or four of those in my program ... and a couple of faculty, come to mention it. Good luck.

	Dear "Annoyed in Academia": I understand that it can be stifling to have an overly-dominant classmate. I think that the best thing for you to do is to focus on making sure that you get to voice your ideas, as this is an important part of your academic training. If she interrupts you, you can talk to her in private and explain that it is important that you have a chance to talk too. If there's still no change, you can ask the professor to be a better discussion leader, or you can be a bit more forthright in the moment. For example, if she interrupts you, you can say something like "Excuse me, but I wasn't finished," and then continue. She would likely be embarrassed and the behavior would likely cease. Regarding her not listening to what others have to say and immediately disagreeing with them, I think this will ultimately be a disadvantage to her academic growth, and not a disadvantage to you. After all, having the ability to consider and respect others' ideas is crucial to our development as scholars. This appears to be her problem, not yours.